Soundtrack of my despair
by gsrfan1
Summary: Summary: Love songs tell tales of lost loves but maybe this time they’ll let the guy get the girl.Rating T just to be safe, not sure where it's going to go yet.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Soundtrack of my despair

Author: gsrfan

Summary: Love songs tell tales of lost loves but maybe this time they'll let the guy get the girl.

Very little dialogue in some chapters so avoid if you don't like the retrospective type fics. Most chapters are based around a song I've heard, there is a song actually featured in some chapters.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ray, Neela or anything associated with ER.

Chapter 1

**A/N: Song featured in this chapter is 'Shiver' by Coldplay**

Ray sat at the kitchen table, swirling his spoon around his bowl trying to drown out the sound of the two lovebirds making out on the sofa. They hadn't come up for air all morning, if the thought didn't make him physically sick he would have sworn he had heard her moan at one point.

Having no luck with just the spoon he turned on the radio and soon regretted it as his all his emotions and feelings were broadcast for all to hear.

_So I look in your direction  
But you pay me no attention, do you?  
I know you don't listen to me  
'Cos you say you see straight through me, don't you?  
_

'**Tell me about it, I bet she doesn't even know I'm here.'**

_  
And on and on  
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep  
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me  
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care_

'**I'm always here for her, but does she notice? No, she's too busy with lover boy over there.'**

Oh…  
Did you want me to change?  
Well I changed for you  
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way  
I wanted to say…

'**That's an understatement, I did everything she wanted, I focused on the hospital more than the band and got kicked out for my efforts. Doesn't she see what I did for her?'**

Don't you shiver  
Shiver  
Sing it loud and clear  
I'll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need you  
But you never even see me, do you?  
And is this my final chance of getting you

'**I'm not going to let it be. I need her.'**

_  
And on and on  
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep  
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me  
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care_

'**I'm gonna be waiting a long time,' **he sighed tidying up his stuff, as the sound of Neela sighing contentedly cut through him.

Oh…  
Did you want me to change?  
Well I changed for good  
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way  
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver  
Don't you shiver  
Sing it loud and clear  
I'll always be waiting for you

**He looked over at the sofa and laughed to himself, it was like watching a train wreck; you knew you shouldn't just watch but you couldn't tear your eyes away.**

_  
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you  
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you  
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you, for you ……_

'**Okay I think I get the point,**' Ray thought turning off the radio and stalking out of the apartment unnoticed, proving his _and_ the song's point.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**A/N: Song featured in this chapter is 'Don't speak' by No Doubt. **

**Also it has been pointed out that some people don't know who I was referring to when I said the 'lovebird', sorry, I never realised I hadn't put his name in the chapter, it's Gallant to all those who wondered.**

_You and me  
We used to be together  
Every day together always_

Ray hummed the tune to himself as he walked up the hall; he'd heard it when waiting for the El, the kid next to him not understanding that the point of headphones was to keep your music to yourself, not have it loud enough to deafen yourself and annoy other s around you at the same time.

"What's going on?" Ray asked as he opened the door and saw Neela carrying suitcases out of her room.

"Oh Ray!" she said as if she'd been surprised, clearly he wasn't supposed to see this "I was uh…… gonna……"

_I really feel  
I'm losing my best friend  
I can't believe  
This could be the end_

He looked between Neela and Gallant and felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. They looked so happy together, did they even know what they were doing to him?

'**It's over.'**

_It looks as though you're letting go  
And if it's real,  
Well I don't want to know_

"Ray," Neela started feeling guilty

_Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying_

"There's no need to say it," he said as Gallant put his arm around her, "I can figure it out on my own."

Guilt weighed down on Neela as she caught the look in his eyes that he was trying so hard to hide. It wasn't supposed to happen this way; he wasn't suppose to think that she was running off behind his back. She'd wanted to tell him first but Michael had wanted to leave as soon as possible.

"Don't," Ray said, "You don't need to run your life past me. We're not joined at the hip, I knew you'd leave me one day," he said not wanting to hear her explanations.

'_So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts  
Don't speak_

**Leave me?**' he thought as Michael eyed him suspiciously, '**Idiot! What did you say that for?'**

_I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts_

"Well we better go, we're signing the papers on the apartment this afternoon," Michael said,

"Sure," Ray said as civilly as he could to the man ripping him apart, "See you around I guess."

_Our memories  
They can be inviting  
But some are altogether  
Mighty frightening_

Memories of them together passed through his mind as Neela quickly hugged him goodbye and walked away, it took all of his strength not to pull her back to him and never let go.

The song was right, the memories of how close he had come to just grabbing her and kissing senseless so many times frightened him….. he was terrified that he had wasted his chance.

_As we die, both you and I_

As the door closed on them he walked to the sofa and mimicked the words of the song that he couldn't get out of his head,

_With my head in my hands  
I sit and cry _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A/N: Song featured in this chapter is 'Ain't no sunshine' by Lighthouse family**

Ray sat in the living and watched the rain run down the window, wishing it would come inside and drown him, anything had to better than this. The emptiness her absence caused was killing him, the silence more deafening than any sound could ever be. Unable to take it anymore he retreated to his room and picked up his guitar, his fingers choosing the song seemingly of their own free will.

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
It's not warm when she's away  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone_

Ray smiled at the irony as he realised what song he was playing, it was particularly fitting considering the rain outside.

_  
and she's always gone too long  
Anytime she goes away _

Wonder this time where she's gone  
Wonder if she's gone to stay

"**No need to wonder."** He thought, **"She's with him! She's not coming back."**

_  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
and this house just ain't no home  
anytime she goes away_

"**Home?" **he sighed,** "is that what this was? Is that what I let go?"**

And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know………..

Hey, I oughta leave the young thing alone  
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone

"**How can I leave her alone? I'm going to see her everyday. How can I stand by and watch? Not tell her that I want her, that I need her."**

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
Only darkness everyday

He closed his eyes; he didn't need to watch what he was doing, his fingers found their positions all on their own as his mind drifted. Images of Neela racing through his mind as the music echoed in the silence he was trying to avoid.

_  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
and this house just ain't no home  
anytime she goes away  
anytime she goes away ……_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**A/N: Song featured in this chapter is 'Tear in her voice' by Tracey Lawrence**

"Why are we here?" Ray asked dubiously as he looked at up the cowboy hat on the sign above him, country music bellowing out from every speaker in the bar.

"Because everyone knows that when you lose the love of your life to another man, you have to get wasted and listen to country music," Brett grinned as he remembered pulling his best friend literally kicking and screaming into the bar.

"First of all," Ray started as they ordered drinks, "everyone _doesn't_ know that because you just made it up and second of all, I didn't _lose_ Neela…. She was never mine."

"Oh come on buddy, anyone could see that she was more yours than she _ever_ was his."

"Well, she made her choice," Ray said bitterly, remembering the message on his machine,

'**I can't believe she called me from 'his' place!'**

"Careful man, that attitude is going to scare off the ladies," Bret said flashing the girls across the bar his best '_I'm available,'_ smile,

"Does it really look like I care?" Ray muttered,

"Okay, that's it, less talking and more alcohol for you my friend," he said as the jukebox in the corner started back up in the background.

_Last thing I expected  
Was to get her call tonight  
Cause the last thing that I heard from her  
She found "Mr. Right"_

'**Bloody Gallant,' **Ray said to himself,** 'oh please tell me I didn't just say bloody!'**

_But when I came home this evening  
There it was on my machine  
And I'm just wondering what the hell it means_

'**I never understand her'**

_  
_Ray sat sipping his beer; his mind was filled with thoughts of Neela as he tried to figure out how the hell Brett had managed to get him in a place like this. The music was driving him crazy, a rocker should not be seen dead in a bar like this, and to make things worse, the songs had a point. Somehow every song seemed to fit his current situation, or lack thereof with Neela and it was driving him crazy, the current song the most tortuous of them all.

_  
Said she said she's sorry that she missed me _

'**If only she did actually miss me,**' he thought, knowing that wasn't what the song meant.

_  
And she's been doing fine_

'**I bet she has!' **he thought bitterly,

_  
I've run it back and heard her say  
Those words a hundred times_

'**More like a thousand,' **he'd sat listening to her words for hours

_  
Something makes me wonder  
Is she happy with her choice  
Or is that a tear I hear in her voice  
_

'**I know it's wrong but please don't let her be happy with him.'**

_  
First time that I listened  
I thought boy she's got some nerve_

'**Damn right!' **he thought the alcohol messing up his emotions,

_  
But the second time I heard it  
I heard more then just her words_

_Am I just wishful thinking  
Or did her voice really crack  
I'll never know  
If I don't call her back……_

The words really sank in that time; he hadn't called her yet,

'**What the hell am I still doing here?'**_  
_

"Brett buddy, I've got to go, I have to do something," Ray said as he slid his beer across the bar and almost sprinted out of the building.

'About damn time,' Brett grinned at the girl next to him, 'I was wondering how long it would take for the music to crack him.'

_Said she said she's sorry that she missed me  
And she's been doing fine  
I'd run it back and heard her say  
Those words a hundred times  
Something makes me wonder  
Is she happy with her choice  
Or is that a tear I hear in her voice_

XXXX

"Hello?" Neela asked groggily as she picked up the phone,

"Neela, it's Ray," he said,

"It's four in the morning," she said back,

"Right, yeh sorry, …. I just wanted to call you back," he explained,

"Oh right," Neela said awkwardly, she was in bed with Michael but talking to Ray,

'C**ould it be anymore screwed up?'**

"Neela, who is it?" Ray heard Michael ask,

Neela stalled and didn't say anything, '**great'** Ray thought bitterly,

"I better go," he said, "sorry for bothering you,"

Neela was about to ask him not to go but it was too late; but silence was all she heard, something she was begining to get used to where Ray was concerned.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I was away for the weekend and internet access was limited, but I am posting a chapter of both this and my other fic as an apology. Hope you like them.**

Song featured in this chapter is 'Have you ever? by Brandy

"Ray!" Michael called down the corridor as Ray did his best to hide from him and look inconspicuous at the same time. "Glad I found you,"

'**You're the only one,**' Ray thought as he contemplated making a dash for it, pretending he didn't hate him was hard enough but playing nice was pushing him to his limit.

"Really?" he asked as casually as he could,

"Yeh, I'm planning a surprise party for Neela and I figured as her roommate you'd know what she likes."

'**Shouldn't _you_ know that?'** Ray thought but knew better to say,

"I was wondering if you'd be able to help me set up the apartment and stuff," Michael asked,

"I'd rather stab myself with a scalpel," Ray mumbled,

"What?" Michael asked shocked, not sure if he really heard that,

'**Crap! I don't believe I actually said that out loud,'**

"Sure," Ray said overly cheerful trying to cover his lapse, "You must really have your hands full."

"Thanks," Michael said walking away still trying to figure if he'd really heard what he thought he had.

Ray sighed and cursed himself for not having the nerve to say no,

'**What's he having a party for anyway? It's not her birthday or their anniversary or anything…..unless he's going to…….oh god no! He can't…"**

"Ray? What's up?" Morris asked as he approached him,

"My life is over," Ray sighed ignoring the question as he walked past, scalpels looking more and more appealing by the minute.

XXXX

Michael turned on the stereo as the guests started arriving, Ray thought about slipping out, he'd spent all afternoon with and he didn't know how much more he could take, but then he saw it……. the vision of all that was good in his life.

Neela stepped out of what he thought must have been their bedroom, the word almost making him gag, she was wearing a simple black dress, her hair was curled lightly and it bounced when she walked. He wanted to tell her that she looked beautiful when she looked at him and smiled, but the words were stuck in his head, he knew he couldn't say it casually and she'd hear in his voice all the things he could never let her know.

Michael walked up to her and whispered something in her ear as he hugged her, Ray just smiled lamely and hid in the corner wanting to disappear.

'**What difference would it make?'** he thought, **'I'm already invisible.'**

XXXX

An hour of cruel and unusual punishment later Michael finally let Neela go for long enough to raise his glass and start a toast. Ray tried to block out his words and concentrate on the song that was playing; anything was less painful than listening to what he knew would be the worst moment of his life.

_  
Have you ever loved somebody so much  
It makes you cry?  
Have you ever needed something so bad  
You can't sleep at night? _

'**All the time,' **he thought as Michael started talking,

"So I guess you all think that I asked you over for a housewarming party, but actually……" he smiled, "it's more than that," he added dropping to one knee.

_Have you ever tried to find the words  
But they don't come out right?  
Have you ever? _

Ray looked at Neela trying to gage her reaction to the situation. **'I bet _he'll_ have the right words.'**

_Have you ever? _

"Will you marry me?" the words he could never say taunted Ray as they travelled across the room to him.

_Have you ever been i__n love__  
Been in love so bad  
You'd do anything  
To make them understand? _

Neela's eyes searched Ray out in the darkness and locked on his, as if she was silently asking his permission, he just looked back at her, his expression as emotionless as he could make it; she had to make this decision on her own.

_Have you ever had someone  
Steal your heart away?  
You'd give anything  
To make them feel the same? _

'**I can't do this here.' **Neela thought as the words of the song registered in her head, someone had stolen her heart but it wasn't the man kneeling before her

_Have you ever searched for words  
To get you in their heart  
But you don't know what to say  
And you don't know where to start? _

"Neela?" Michael asked noticing her hesitation, "I need an answer," he laughed nervously,

_Have you ever found the one  
You've dreamed of all your life?  
You'd do just about anything  
To look into their eyes?  
_

Neela looked back at Ray, his eyes never having left her, she knew what her answer was but she didn't have the heart to say it, not in front of everyone.

_Have you fin'ly found the one _

_You've given your heart to  
Only to find that one  
Won't give their heart to you? _

"Sorry," she said, "This is…… a shock, I uh…… need some air."

_  
Have you ever closed your eyes and  
Dreamed that they were there _

Ray breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed behind her, '**she didn't say yes!'**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**A/N: Couldn't find a song for this chapter, they kind of go AWOL for a while now, I got fed up of having to fit my story around the lyrics and I couldn't find anything that fit. Hope you like it anyway.**

"Neela wait!" Michael called as he followed her outside, "What's wrong?"

"I….. I …..I can't marry you." He stammered,

"What?" he asked, "I thought you loved me, I thought….."

"I do," Neela said, cringing at her choice of words, "but not the way you want me to,"

"This is about him isn't it?" Michael snapped,

"Him?" Neela asked,

"Don't act dumb. You know who I mean; I saw the way you looked at him when I asked you."

Neela hung her head to hide her guilt; she had never meant to hurt him. She wished that she had realised her feelings before, that it had never gotten this far. She felt like she was letting him down but if she had said yes, she would be letting herself down.

"Michael I'm so sorry," Neela said reaching for his arm but he backed away,

"You're throwing what we have away for _him_, he could never love you the way I do. He could never _love_ anyone."

"You don't know anything about him!" Neela snapped back as they just stared at each other feeling defensive. She knew that Ray was capable of love; she just hadn't seen it yet.

"I'm going back inside," Michael said his voice barely a whisper after they had calmed; "you don't have to come with me."

"I really am sorry," Neela cried as he walked away, leaving her alone in more ways than one.

Michael braced himself as he walked into the apartment, all eyes on him waiting for an answer. He just looked at them, his silence telling him all they needed to know, Ray felt sorry for him, he knew how it felt for her not to love you, but he couldn't help feeling relieved at the same time.

When Michael was out of site he left the apartment and went looking for Neela, finding her almost without looking, he always knew where she would be.

"Hey," he whispered, "I'm sorry about……you know" he said nervously,

"No you're not," Neela snapped, her emotions all mixed up. She loved Ray but she was angry at him too, angry that he didn't want her, angry that she had thrown away her relationship for him but he didn't want her either.

"Whoa!" Ray recoiled, knocked back by her anger, "What did _I_ do?"

'**She's acting like this is my fault….. what I wouldn't give for it to be my fault… for her to want me.'**

"You never wanted Michael and I to work out, you _never_ liked him, so don't pretend you're sorry ok?" she sighed,

"Ok, that's not fair," Ray said, "_I_ didn't tell you to say no!"

"So you're telling me you wanted me to say yes!" she asked,

'**Crap! How am I supposed to answer that?'**

"Exactly," she said at his silence, "You _didn't_ want me to say yes and I don't understand why. You don't want me, but for some reason you didn't want Micheal to have me either."

Ray bit his lip, now was neither the time nor the place to tell her how he really felt, not when she'd probably be mad about that too.

"Look," Ray said moving closer to her, "You're upset and I can see that me being here is just going to make things worse, so…. I'm gonna go."

"Yeh that's right Ray, run away and find some groupie so you don't have to face up to what's really happening,"

"You know what?" Ray said angrily, "I don't need this crap from you Neela, this last week has been hell for me and now I'm beginning to think that all that pain was for nothing," he said as he walked away.

Neela hung her head and cried, she didn't know she had caused him pain and she couldn't think how she had done it either, he didn't like her as more than a friend…right? As she sat outside the cold outside matching the chill in her heart she realised that in a matter of minutes she had lost the only two people she had ever loved.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The weather matched her mood as Neela trudged through the rain to her old apartment, her dress clinging to her body and her curls hanging sloppily on her shoulders. She hadn't had the nerve or the courage to go back and talk to Michael, and she knew it wouldn't make any difference, she knew now that she was in love with Ray and only Ray. She just hoped that it wasn't too late to show him that and that he could forgive her for what the pain she had inadvertently caused him.

She knew she was taking a huge risk, that Ray hadn't actually said that he had any kind of feelings for her, but after sitting alone for hours contemplating her situation she had to believe that he did, why would her leaving hurt him so much if she was nothing more than a roommate?

'**Here goes nothing,**' she thought as she knocked on the door, before laughing to her self, she had never really understood that expression.

XXXX

Ray cursed under his breath as a knock on the door interrupted him and …….and …..

'**Damn what was her name?' **

After leaving Neela alone he had gone and done exactly what she'd said he would, he'd headed to one of the bars that the band played at, knowing for sure that there would be an abundance of girls there ready and willing to 'take his mind off things.'

He loathed his weakness but it wasn't entirely his fault, the alcohol had helped.

Throwing a shirt on but leaving it unbuttoned, not planning on wearing it that long; he pulled open the door and froze in shock at who stood before him.

'**God! She looks even sexier than she did before,'** he thought as he took in her dripping wet form, his eyes tracing every curve of her body. Neela shifted uncomfortably under his gaze; if he kept looking at her like that she'd never be able to say what she came over for, she wouldn't be _saying_ anything… not with words anyway. Her heart lightened slightly though as she realised he must feel something for her.

'**You don't look at someone who's just a roommate like that.'**

"Neela?" he choked out, pulling the door closed around him so she couldn't see inside,

'**Why did I have to pick this night to crack and bring someone home?'**

"Hi," she said nervously, "I uh…. came to apologise. I had no right to talk to you the way I did. I'm sorry."

"I understand," Ray smiled, trying to resolve this as fast as she could so she'd leave and he wouldn't get caught, "You were upset, it's not a big deal."

"Good," she smiled, "Can I come in? I want to talk…. About stuff."

Ray clenched his fists and looked back between Neela and the inside of the apartment,

"Ah…." He started not wanting to lie, but he couldn't tell the truth. _She 'wanted to talk,' _he couldn't ruin it by letting her see him with another girl.

"Is someone else here?" she asked as she noticed his reluctance and his state of undress,

"Uh no," he lied, kicking himself on the inside,

"I thought I heard something," Neela pressed not giving up easily,

"No, it's just the TV," he said,

"So can I come in?" Neela asked again,

"Ray! Are you coming back inside?" a voice called from inside the apartment,

'**Shit,'** Ray said as he looked inside at the blonde that had just ruined everything. He winced as he looked at Neela; her eyes had turned to ice.

"Wow," Neela said folding her arms across her chest defensively, "You taught the TV your name. Now that's impressive," she said sarcastically,

"No, no Neela, this isn't what it looks like," Ray said,

"No Ray," she laughed, "This is _exactly_ what it looks like, it always was with you. I came here to talk but clearly _talking_ is the last thing on your mind."

"Neela, please don't leave," Ray begged as she started to walk away but she carried on, never looking back.

Ray punched the door as he walked back into the apartment,

"What's wrong baby?" the blonde who he now remembered was called Rachel asked him,

"Everything," he sighed as he pushed her away, "everything."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**A/N: Song featured in this chapter 'I will remember you' by Sarah McLachlan**

Abby rubbed her eyes as she headed to her front door having a good idea who was on the other side; she had been expecting a visit from Neela since Michael had come back to the apartment looking like the world had just ended.

"It's over," Neela cried when she saw Abby, "He doesn't want me."

Abby just stepped back so Neela could walk inside and settle herself on the sofa,

"It'll be ok Neela" she said as he friend cried into her shoulder, "I'm sure if you just talk to Michael you can explain you're not ready for marriage but you still want to be with him."

"Michael?" Neela said looking up, "I'm not talking about Michael," she said drying her eyes,

"Then who?... Ray." Abby said as it suddenly dawned on her, "I didn't know you guys were….. you know."

"We're not…. I didn't even know I wanted us to be until the prospect of it never happening came along. When Michael asked me…. I just knew, Ray is the only person I love." Neela sighed,

"Then why is it over? I don't understand."

"We had a fight, I went over to apologise, to tell him how I felt but when I got there….."

"He wasn't alone." Abby finished for her. "I'm going to make some coffee; I can see this is going to be a long night."

**XXXX**

"What does _she_ want?" Morris asked as Weaver came into the ER the next morning, she only came around if she had some sort of announcement to make.

"I've just come to tell you that we're going to be a little short staffed and hectic around her for a while, but I'm doing my best to find a replacement for Neela." Weaver said calmly,

"Replacement," Ray said barely breathing, "Where's she going? What's wrong? Has something happened?" he rambled off worriedly,

"Neela asked me to tell you all that she is taking a leave of absence, that's she's sorry for leaving you all short handed but she needs some time away …..after recent events." Weaver said walking away,

"Did you know about this?" he asked Abby,

"Yes," Abby said, "she decided last night and talked to Weaver this morning."

"Where is she going?"

"England," Abby said,

"What? When is she coming back?" Ray pleaded,

"I don't know," Abby said truthfully, "and right now I'm even sure _she_ does."

"What do you mean?" Ray asked, his voice laced with fear,

"She might _not come_ back Ray, she wants to start again, get away from all of this."

'**All of this?**' Ray thought worriedly, knowing that he had caused most of 'this',

"Where is she?" Ray asked,

"By now, probably at the airport," Abby explained, her heart bleeding for Ray, his love for her on his sleeve for all to see.

"I have to go," he said throwing down his chart and heading to the ambulance bay, he'd be in huge trouble when he got back but he didn't care, he had to stop her.

**X XXX**

Neela cranked up the sound on her mp3 player as she sat in the airport; she hated airports, so many people in such a small place.

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me  
don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories  
_

'**We both need to move on.'**

_  
Remember the good times that we had  
I let them slip away when things got bad_

'**Why did I let Michael blind me? Ray and I were perfect together, we had so much fun, I was so stupid.'**

_Clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me  
I wanna be the one  
_

She heard the tannoy calling her flight over the words and got her bags ready, not noticing Ray trying to catch up to her as she walked away.

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories _

I'm so tired but I can't sleep  
Standing on the edge of something much too deep  
Funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word  
We are screaming inside we can't be heard

'**Tell me about it!**' she thought she had rehearsed what she'd wanted to say so many times but every time she tried the words just wouldn't come out.

_  
I will remember you  
Will you remember me_  
_Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_

"Neela! Neela!" Ray called but she couldn't hear him and walked on,

"I'm sorry sir, you can't come through her without a ticket." The guard told him,

"No you don't understand I have to get through." Ray said,

"Not without a ticket sir," the guard insisted,

Ray dropped back and cursed himself for not being fast enough, for letting her walk out of his life.

_  
So afraid to love you but more afraid to lose  
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose_

'**My past with Michael and Ray's past with…..everyone,' **she though bitterly,** 'has ruined everything.'**

_  
Once there was a darkness deep and endless night  
You gave me everything it had, oh you gave me light _

I will remember you  
Will you remember me  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Who the hell would be calling me at this hour?" Abby said as she scrambled around in the dark for the phone,

"She's gone," a male voice said,

"Ray? Is that you?" she asked,

"What am I gonna do?" he carried on ignoring the question,

Abby sighed and looked at the clock; she wasn't getting any sleep again tonight,

"Come over to my place, we'll talk," she said turning on the coffee maker,

'**How did I get dragged into this?'**

XXXX

"I was too late," he said as Abby handed him his coffee, "She was right there, I called to here but she just…… she just walked away, she didn't even see me."

"I'm sorry," Abby sighed, "I don't mean to sound harsh but surely you had to see this coming."

"What do you mean?" Ray asked genuinely confused,

"After what happened with the girl at your apartment," Abby explained as a look of realisation appeared on his face, "She went there to tell you……." She stopped herself realising she was going too far; it wasn't her place to tell him.

"Tell me what?" Ray asked his curiosity peaked, "Tell me what Abby,"

"Okay," she started, "I don't know anything for sure," she added, giving Neela the opportunity to tell Ray that it was all a mistake if she changed her mind about telling him, "but I think she was going to tell you…… that she…..that she loves you." She finally rushed out to get it over with.

All the air rushed from Ray's body as he literally collapsed into the sofa, not only had he lost her but he had lost her when she finally knew what she wanted.

"That's why she said no to Michael." He thought aloud, "she wanted to……. And I just……" he mumbled disjointedly. "I have to talk to her, you have her number right?"

"Yeh, but she doesn't want me to give it out," Abby said respecting Neela's wishes,

"Not even to _me_?" Ray asked in amazement,

"_Especially_ not to you probably," Abby said, "I'm sorry Ray, but she wants…. she _needs_ time alone to sort out of her life. She just lost the two people in the world that she cares about most and she never really _had_ one of you to start with."

"She _always_ had me," Ray whispered as he laid his head back against the sofa, looking up at the ceiling to hold back his tears.

"You want to stay here tonight?" Abby asked,

"Yeh," Ray said looking at her, his eyes shining, causing Abby's heart to break, "I don't want to be anymore alone than I have to be right now."

"You still have me," Abby smiled trying to cheer him up,

"Thanks," he smiled weakly as Abby went to get him a pillow and blanket.

"Here," she said handing them to him,

"Thanks," he said again, "not just for….." he trailed off motioning to the blanket, "but for everything, I'd be passed out drunk somewhere if it weren't for you."

"No problem," Abby smiled, "I know from experience how much that is not a good idea,"

Ray lay the blanket out on the couch as Abby put their cups in the kitchen,

"Don't worry, everything will be okay," Abby said looking back at him,

"How can you be sure?" he asked lying back,

"Because you've had more of an effect on Neela than you think, before you, she was prim and proper, she still had one hell of a temper at times but she was much quieter. You changed her, and even though she may not realise it yet, she can't change back, she needs you and she'll come back."

"I hope you're right," he said the words comforting him slightly,

"Of course I am," she smiled, "You don't work at county for as long as I have without learning a little something about people and the way they act. Speaking of county, we better get some sleep if either of us wants to make it there on time. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Ray said as he curled up into the sofa, the same way Neela had the night before, not realising this was the closest he would be to her for a long time.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**A/N: I realise as far as we're concerned she only just left but I didn't want chapters full of nothing happening so I skipped out the time that she was gone, so you'll just have to imagine it. **

**Also sorry for the delay, Real Life ambushed me when on the way to my laptop, but I'm back now, hope you're still interested in this.**

"Poor guy," Abby said to Luka as they saw Ray, "He's been moping around the ER for months."

"Wouldn't you be if the person you loved was gone and never coming back?" Luka said,

"Yeah I guess." She said as she thought how she would feel if Luka ever left, "but I wouldn't be too sure about never," Abby beamed looking towards the doors, where standing there dressed as smartly as her first day there stood Neela,

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" Abby said walking up to her and pulling her into a hug, "I almost didn't recognise you with the new haircut."

Neela just smiled and hugged her back,

"It's good to have you back,"

"Thanks," she said stepping back and walking into something solid, "Oh sor……" she trailed off as she turned around and saw Ray staring down at her.

"Neela?" he asked, "You're…..what are you….. you look different." He mumbled, shock taking away his ability to speak,

"Oh yeah," she said collecting herself and running a hand through her hair, "I had this haircut before you."

"What?" He asked, still in shock from her being there, he just wanted to take her by the hand and never let go.

"Before you came here," she cringed, cursing her mistake, she'd promised herself that she wouldn't let Ray affect her again,

'**I categorise my life by when he came into it!**' she thought, **"I'm not as over him as I thought.'**

Abby noticed her discomfort and stepped in,

"Let's go for coffee, you can fill me in on everything,"

"Great idea," Neela said, "I'll see you guys later," she said, "Bye Ray,"

"Yeah, bye," he said snapping out of his daze as he watched them walk out the door,

"Pinch me." He said looking at Luka, "I think I'm dreaming,"

XXX X

"So what brings you back here?" Abby asked, "Last I heard from you, you were gone for good."

"I missed county," Neela said sipping her coffee, "and other things."

"Let me guess," Abby smiled, "Two words, starts with Ray, ends with Barnett."

Neela blushed and looked down at the table,

"That obvious huh?" she asked,

"No," Abby laughed, "well the way you practically drooled all over him was a tiny clue, but don't worry doubt think anyone else noticed."

"I did not drool." Neela smiled,

"Right, and he hasn't been sulking for months, the pout is cute but after a while you get tired of it,"

Neela frowned at the image of Ray being upset, her leaving was supposed to fix things not make them worse.

"How's he been?" she asked,

"In a word….. crushed." Abby said looking her friend in the eyes, "The Ray you knew and…. still love," she smirked, "left county when you did. But now that you're back maybe he'll make an appearance again."

"I don't get why he was so affected, I mean, there was nothing between us. On my side there was a hope that maybe one day, but he…. he didn't see me that way." Neela said confused,

"I'm staying out of it," Abby said holding her hands up, stunned that Neela really couldn't tell how much he loved her.

"So, you coming back to county?" Abby asked,

"Ah well, I'm too sure about that. I want to," she said at Abby's worried face. "but it all depends on how much I impress Weaver."

"You're coming back then," Abby smiled confidently, "we've been through so many doctors trying to get someone to fill in for you, but no-one was good enough."

_'In more ways than one.'_

"We better get back," Neela said looking at her watch, knowing Abby's break would be over soon.

"Sure," Abby said, "Oh and I like the new look by the way," she smiled as they walked back to the ER so that Neela could start her new life, or rather re-start her old one.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Neela pondered her life as she walked towards the apartment, trying to figure out how no matter what happened she always ended up back here.

"Can I help you?" the brunette asked as she opened the door,

Neela stepped back and looked between the girl and the door number, she had the right apartment but that certainly wasn't Ray in front of her.

"I uh…. was looking for Ray," she sighed concluding this must be his new roommate or girlfriend or knowing her luck probably both, "I wanted to give him these," she said holding her very feeble excuse at going over that night. A CD she had taken by mistake and a shirt she had taken not quite so accidentally

"Oh well he's right here if you want to come in," she smiled stepping back so Neela could see into the apartment, just as Ray walked out of his room.

"Neela?" he asked shocked to see her there, he ran a hand through his wet hair and shifted awkwardly, he was fresh out of the shower and wearing only a towel.

Neela's eyes followed a drop of water down his chest and snapped away as she began to focus on the towel resting precariously low on his hips.

"Um….. I uh…..." she mumbled incoherently, "didn't know you were," she said looking between him and the girl, "sorry. I'll go." She said as she turned and walked away, cursing her bad timing, the only two times she had visited him he had been 'preoccupied.'

"Jesus, not again." Ray said racing to his room and pulling on a pair of jeans.

"You might need a …..shirt," his '_friend'_ smiled as he bolted out of the door after Neela.

"Neela! Neela wait." He called as she started to hail a cab,

She turned and almost smiled as she saw a half dressed Ray running down the street with no shoes on.

"Ray!" she cried in disbelief, "What are you doing?"

"It's not what it looks like," he panted, putting his hands on his hips as he caught his breath,

"Now that sounds familiar," Neela said, trying in vain to concentrate on his words rather than his body, which, if it was possible, had gotten even better while she had been away.

"I know," he sighed, "but this time it _really isn't _what it looks like. She's my….."

"You don't have to explain to me," Neela said talking over him not wanting to hear it, "It has nothing to do with me,"

"Cousin," Ray finished ignoring her protests,

"Oh," Neela said faking detachment, hoping Ray couldn't see her relief, "that's nice."

"She came to visit for a few days," Ray smiled, "to make sure I was okay."

"Okay?" Neela asked worried, "Why? What happened? What's wrong?"

"My best friend left the country without telling me and had no plans of coming back," he explained solemnly,

Neela looked at the floor and swallowed back tears, the pain in his voice cut straight through her,

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, "I should have told you but I didn't know how. My head was so screwed up."

"I know," he said understandingly, "I think we need to talk."

'**Oh crap.**' Neela thought, **'why did have to do this now, I'm not ready for this.'**

"You know I really should get back," she said motioning behind her, "and you need to go back inside, you're freezing," she said as he crossed his arms over his chest to keep himself warm.

"No I'm not," he lied,

"Liar," she said as she placed a hand on his chest, his arm was just as close but the temptation to touch him there was just too much for her.

Ray shivered at her touch, though not because it was cold, her warm hand made his heart race, he just hoped she couldn't feel it. Looking in her eyes, he put his hand over hers and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand.

Neela closed her eyes as she savoured his touch before ducking her head and laughing as a car drove by,

"I can only imagine how weird this looks," she smiled,

"Yeah," he said not releasing her hand, "come inside with me then."

"Ray I……" she started,

"Please don't make me beg," he whispered cracking her resolve,

"What about your cousin?" she asked,

"She'll be long gone by now," Ray smiled, "she knows how to take a hint."

"A hint?" Neela asked,

"I don't run down the street half dressed for just anyone you know." He laughed lightly,

"Then lead the way," Neela smiled, she still wasn't ready for this but the truth was she didn't think she'd ever be.

'**We've got to start somewhere,"** she thought as she followed Ray back to the apartment, her heart now racing as fast as his.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

**A/N: Just a short one for now, more tomorrow. Sorry about the delay, had a situation in real life that took up my time.**

"You want some coffee," Ray asked when they got inside, he needed to warm up, coffee was his second choice as to how, but until he and Neela talked, his first choice wasn't really an option.

"Huh what?" Neela said having to tear her eyes away from his chest making Ray smile and look down. "Um… no … thank you,"

'**Talk?' **she asked herself,** 'How can I talk when I can't pick my jaw up off the floor.'**

"Uh Ray," she asked cringing at what she was going to say, "You think you could um…. put a shirt on or something?"

"Why?" he asked, "this never used to bother you before."

"It doesn't bother me now," she said, "it's just um…….. distracting."

'**Oh god, did I just say that? He's going to tease me forever."**

"Oh really?" he beamed cheekily, "Just can't resist me, huh."

'**Maybe this won't be so hard after all, she seems interested'**

'**No' **"Dream on," Neela denied,"but if I was standing here with no shirt on, you wouldn't be paying much attention either now would you?"

'**Don't say you would! I'd die of embarrassment.'**

"You wanna take your shirt off and test the theory?" he joked, regretting it instantly, he really didn't need to get any more wound up, just the thought of it was making him crazy.

"Maybe I should just go," she said heading to the door,

"Ok, ok, I'll do it," He said putting an arm out to stop her, "Just don't go." He said almost pleading, he couldn't lose her again.

He reached over to the counter and slipped on the shirt that Neela had bought back and she smiled,

"What?" he asked looking at the shirt, wondering if he'd put it on backwards or something.

"I always did like that shirt on you," she explained,

'**I bet it looked better on you,**' he thought,

"Oh right," he said, suddenly feeling nervous, she didn't want coffee so he had no reason to stall anymore, now they had to actually 'talk'.

XXXX

An uneasy silence descended upon as they sat opposite each other, neither brave enough to go first and risk admitting something they couldn't take back if the other didn't feel the same way.

Neela regretted saying no to coffee, if she'd said yes she'd have something to stare at instead of looking back and forth between Ray and the floor.

She let out a sigh and stood up,

"Okay, I can't do this anymore," she said running her hands through her hair as Ray stood up afraid that she was going to leave, "You wanted to talk, so talk to me or let me go home."

Ray bit his lip and rubbed a hand across his eyes, his frustration at not knowing what to say getting to him.

"Alright," he said motioning to the sofa, "I'll talk, I promise."

Neela took a seat at the end of the sofa and looked up when Ray sat next to her instead of re-taking his seat across from her.

"When you were away," he paused thinking carefully about his words, "I talked to Abby, I needed to know why you had gone and if you were coming back."

"I know, I'm sorry I should've….." Neela started,

"No," he said putting his hand out to silence her, "Please just let me say this. She told me that the reason you left, that the reason you said no to Gall…..Michael, was that you were……. that you……." He froze momentarily unsure whether he should go through with this, "that you were in love with me."

Neela was taken aback by his words, he knew, but he didn't seem upset by it, he didn't seem to reject it and her.

'**Does this mean that he wants it too? No it can't……'**

"It's your turn to say something now," he whispered anxiously, searching her eyes for the smallest hint of emotion.

"Ray I……"

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

**A/N: This chapter is fairly long, I got a little carried away.**

"_Ray I……."_

Ray stared at her intently as she paced searching for the right words,

'**Tell the truth or make something up?**' she asked herself, the look on Ray's face deciding for her, there was no way she could keep lying to him, she was going to regret this but it had to be done.

"I wish Abby hadn't told you that," she sighed sitting back down opposite him,

"Because it's not true?" Ray asked trying to hide the hurt in his voice, his heart shattering,

"No," Neela said looking at the floor, missing the pained look on his, "It's true," she whispered looking back at him, "It's _very_ true, I just wish she hadn't said it."

Ray's heart jumped into his throat and he breathed a sigh of relief,

"Why?" he asked,_ did she regret her feelings?_

'**Isn't it obvious?'** she thought,

"Because now every time I see you, I'm going to be embarrassed because you know how I feel but don't feel the same way. Things are going to be so……awkward because I love you and you're not even interested."

'**I can't believe I just said I love you, I am so stupid.'**

Ray just stood staring at her, trying to deal with everything he had just heard and figure out his next move,

"You're right," he said, "I'm not _interested _in you Neela." Neela bit her lip to hold back the tears, even though she knew it, hearing it hurt so much more.

"Right….." she said softly, "I'm just gonna……" she said pointing to the door before walking to it. Ray reached out to her desperately as he realised how that must have sounded to her, holding her by the shoulders so that she had to look at him.

"_Interested,_ is how I feel about a movie or a TV show, I could never be interested in you Neela because….. I …….I love you," he said hesitantly, this was new territory for him,

"Neela," he said more confidently as he looked at her, "I am completely, overwhelmingly and irreversibly in love with you. I have been for a very long time."

Neela looked at him wide eyed and silent, he couldn't really be saying this to her, this was some bizarre dream that she would wake up from any minute now. She sat back down, the words racing through her head as he joined her, taking her hand in his.

"When you left here to live with Michael I didn't want to carry on living, it hurt so much, and then when you went to England, my whole crashed around me. I was a mess, I couldn't do anything, but when I saw you today my life started again and I never want it to end."

Tears fell from Neela's eyes as she looked at the love and honesty on his face, no-one had ever spoken to her this way before, so honestly, not afraid to let her see the real them.

"Don't you want to say anything?" he asked nervously afraid that he had gone too far,

Neela looked up at him and smiled widely tugging on his shirt to bring him closer,

"Yeah," she grinned, "You can take this back off now,"

Ray laughed as he cupped her face in his hands and leaned in to put his lips against hers. He sighed as he felt her respond to him and pull him closer, even in his dreams it had never been this good. The kiss was soft and slow until Ray ran his hand along her side, skimming his hand under her shirt to touch her skin.

Neela gasped and pulled away from him looking straight in his eyes, he looked back at her silently conveying months of unspoken emotions, they both knew what they wanted and Ray kissed her again deeply not wanting to wait for it anymore.

Her hands ran up his back under his shirt as he lay her down on the couch, his eyes never leaving hers, nipping gently on her neck as she arched her back and moaned, lifting his shirt over her head and discarding it, not caring where it landed.

Ray closed his eyes as her hands ran up his back, feeling and memorising all the muscles that were usually hidden beneath it, he dipped his head and cradled it against her neck, kissing her softly, his kissing becoming more intense as she ran a hand up his arm to the back of his neck. He looked up at her, kissing along her jaw as he did so, leaning up on his elbows his hands fumbled at her buttons eagerly.

"Ray, ray stop," she whispered causing him to sit up and look at her worriedly,

"I thought you wanted…." He breathed, cut off as Neela sat up and put a hand on his cheek,

"I do, I _really_ do." She grinned, earning a smile from Ray, "but just slow down ok, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to sound really stupid, but I don't want to rush this, I've waited too long for this to be a brief fumble that we'll forget about. I want it to be……special." She said apprehensively,

Ray smiled, happy that she wasn't going anywhere and kissed her forehead, "I understand," he said getting off the sofa,

"Where are you going?" Neela asked nervously, worried that he had gotten the wrong idea and wanted to stop completely,

"If you want to do this right," he said, "we can't do it here," he said looking around the messy and cluttered living room.

"Yeah, you're right," she said taking his outstretched hand and headed to her old room,

"Why my room?" she asked curiously,

"It turns out when I'm depressed I clean up even less than I usually do," he grinned,

"Ah," she smiled as she sat down on her bed, her room unchanged since she had left,

Ray stood in front her nervously, he felt like a school boy who was experiencing being with a girl for the first time, not sure how far he could go and how quickly he could go there.

Neela sensed his hesitancy and smiled to reassure him and stood up, her hands moving to the buttons of her shirt. Slowly she started to undo them from the bottom, her hands shaking through excitement and nervousness, Ray swallowed hard as her body, the body he had dreamed about so many times was revealed to him.

His feet moved forward of their own accord and he rested his hands gently on her waist as she slipped her blouse off of her shoulders. His hands shook gently as he brushed her hair from her shoulders and planted kisses their, her hands rested on the back of his neck twisting in his hair.

She leaned in to kiss him as his hands slid from her shoulders to the small of her back; he moved them back up to rest in the middle, his fingertips hovering over the strap of her bra. He searched out her eyes and locked on them silently asking her permission, she smiled and nodded her head.

His fingers moved clumsily as he tried to undo it, getting so close but never quite making it, Neela couldn't hold back a smile as he looked over her shoulder to get a better view.

"Don't laugh at me," he grinned cheekily as he saw the look on her face,

"Sorry," she said unable to look him in the eyes, the temptation to giggle too strong,

"I'm a little out of practice" he shrugged,

"Well, I guess that's a good sign," she said as she moved her hands behind her back and moved his out of the way unclasping it with ease.

"Show off," he teased as she smiled at him, "Let me….please," he whispered as her hands began to remove the straps.

He ran his fingertips down her arms taking the straps with them his eyes transfixed as the item fell from his hands. Neela smiled as he leaned down to kiss her chest, working his way slowly up to her lips as he picked her up and carried her to the bed.

"You have no idea how much this means to me," he said to her as he positioned himself above her,

"I think I do," she whispered back,

Ray moved so that his body was resting gently on hers, joining their lips as the room spun and the world fell silent as two friends became lovers.

Neela clung on to him as they caught his breath, their bodies glistening as the moonlight shone on them. She ran her hands through his hair as he slowly lifted his head and looked at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly as he saw tears on her cheeks, "Did I hurt you?" he said lifting himself off of her quickly.

"No, no," Neela said pulling him back to her, "I'm just happy, it's never been like that…… I never……." She stammered unable to find the words to describe how she felt, she had never experienced anything as powerful as this before.

"I know," he said feeling the same, he'd been with many women, that was no secret, but it had never been quite like this before, "I know."

He rested his forehead against hers before he rolled over and lay on his back next to her. She turned over to lie on her stomach, resting her head and arm on his chest, tracing patterns with her fingertips.

He wrapped an arm around her as she rested his head against hers, smiling against her hair as she entwined her legs with his. He began to think back on the events of the day. That morning he had dragged himself out of bed not wanting to do anything and now he was back in bed, but holding the woman of his dreams in his arms.

"Neela?" he whispered,

"Yeah," she said, her breath tickling his chest,

"Does this mean you want to be roomies again?" he joked,

Neela sat up and laughed as she saw the huge grin on his face,

"You're such a child," she grinned,

"I hope not," he said back, "because if I am what we just did was _very_ wrong."

He had to move quickly as Neela grabbed a pillow and lunged at him playfully, he grabbed her wrist and pushed her backwards pinning her arms above her head.

"Do you surrender?" he asked winking at her,

"To you?" she asked, "always," she whispered as his lips met hers again,

"Excellent," he whispered blowing on her neck making her squirm; he was going to show her just how much of a child he could be.

TBC

**A/N 1 chapter left**


	14. Chapter 14

Epilogue

**A/N: So here it is, the end, thanks for sticking with it, hope you enjoyed it.**

"Why are we going to Abby's again?" Neela asked as they got out of the cab,

"Because Luka wanted to give me something," Ray said lamely, hoping she would buy it.

"Luka?" she asked dubiously, "give _you_ something, you need to work on your lying skills," she said,

"Hey Luka, It's Ray," he said far too conspiratorially for her liking as he knocked on the door,

"What the?" Neela asked as the door opened to an empty apartment, "Ray what's goi….."

"Surprise!" the entire ER staff it seemed said jumping up from various hiding places.

Ray smiled as she looked at him thoroughly confused, a sign that his plan had worked and wrapped his arms around her from behind, "Surprise," he whispered into her ear, "It's a welcome home party."

"Ray, I've been back almost a month," she said stepping forward to look at him,

"I know, but I've been _busy_," he said raising his eyebrows suggestively,

Neela grinned as Abby joined in the conversation, "Don't believe a word he says," she smiles, "he may says it's a coming home party, but in Ray speak, that translates into an _'I'm madly in love with and just wanted to throw you a party,_' party."

"Yeah, what she said," Ray smiled leaning back on the counter and crossing his arms,

"I can live with that," Neela smiled as Abby walked away, "Thank you," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him,

"Anything for my roomie," he smiled,

"That's never gonna get old for you is it?" She teased,

"Never," he grinned, "You know you love it."

"I think you're getting it confused with you," she said kissing him,

"Hmmm," he sighed pulling her closer, "I don't want to be confused."

"Get a room!" Pratt called across the apartment,

"We have," Ray called back light-heartedly, "You're in it."

"Now, now boys, play nice, I don't want to have to separate you," Abby joked as she turned the stereo up,

_I am home now, home now  
I've been waiting for forever to find you, to find you  
I'm not alone now, alone now_

Ray looked at Neela as he heard the lyrics and smiled to himself; he had avoided music for a long time when she was away, each song too painful to hear. He'd compiled a list of songs he could never listen to again, a soundtrack of despair as he called it. Now, after a long time, music was welcome again in his life, which was good as his attitude at band practice was starting to annoy his band mates.

_  
'Cause you've taken in my heart from the cold  
All I know is every time I look into your eyes  
I know, I know you're where I belong  
I belong with you_

"Dance with me." He said putting his hand out to her,

"Here?" she asked, everyone knew about them but she wasn't ready to be the centre of attention,

"No," he laughed playfully, "in the hallway."

Neela smiled and tentatively took his hand as he led her into the middle of the room,

You're where I belong  
And I know it's the truth  
You're part of my heart  
There's nothing I can do  
Oh, you're the one who keeps me warm  
My baby, you're where I belong

He placed a hand on the small of her back as she rested her head on his chest, he began to move, their bodies moving unconsciously in time with each other.

_  
You're my first taste, first taste  
Of the sweetest feeling I've ever known, that I've known  
You're my safe place, safe place_

Neela smiled as the words surrounded them, Ray really was her safe place and the feeling of his strong arms around her confirmed that. He'd never let anything happen to her.

_  
From a world that can be so cruel and cold  
You're my harbour, you're my shelter  
You're that welcome smile  
That lets me know I'm home_

They were each others refuge from the harshness of the ER, no matter what tragedies they would encounter at work, they could lose themselves in each other and put it behind them.

_  
You're where I belong  
I belong with you  
You're where I belong_

Ray put his hand under her chin and lifted her head so he could see her eyes, leaning down he kissed her, everyone else in the room fading into the background, making even Abby's place feel like home.

_  
And I know it's the truth  
You're part of my heart  
There's nothing I can do  
Oh, you're the one who keeps me warm  
My baby, you're where I belong_

Neela stood on tiptoes to wrap her arms around her neck and whisper into his ear, "I love you," he lifted her up and smiled,

"I love you too."

You're the one I come to...yeah  
To keep me from the cold

"So….." he winked playfully, "you feel like keeping me warm later?"

"I think I could be persuaded," she smiled,

"Well I am _very_ persuasive," he grinned as he watched Neela smile at him and walk away. He walked up to the stereo and turned up the volume, the soundtrack of his despair was over and his life was just beginning.

The End


End file.
